Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you traded sex for a burrito?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
