Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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