...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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