Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
