You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
