Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Quick, to the slutcave!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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