This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
