I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
