Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
