do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
