My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
