Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
