Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
