I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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