he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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