i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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