So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
