im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
