He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
