If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
