Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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