i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
