best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
