My sheets look like a crime scene.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
