Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
