Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
