Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
