I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
