i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
