Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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