SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just high enough for therapy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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