is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
