peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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