i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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