honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize