the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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