well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
