I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I deserve this hangover.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
