No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
