Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I will pee on everything he values.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
