I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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