Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
