It's Friday. Sex?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
