So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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