I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
