Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
