I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
