We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
