When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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