so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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