You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
