I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
