i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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