You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
