everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
