The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
