Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize