Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
