did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
