do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
