i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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