i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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