So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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