4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
