Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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