It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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