I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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