You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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