called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize