I skipped work to stalk him.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
