Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
MIDGETS
????
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
