he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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