I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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