i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
