Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
