I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
