you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
