Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Small penises have feelings too.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
