After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
