her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
