His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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