Screwed.edu
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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