Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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