just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
