Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
