So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
