I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
