He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
