So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
do nipples grow back?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
