Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So vagazzling was a success
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
