It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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